Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize