I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
