Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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