yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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