I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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