You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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