eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
