I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
