He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
