PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
