Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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