Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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