my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize