think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
