just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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