I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
