i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
