whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
