Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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