Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There r osticjed everywhere
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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