i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
