Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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