I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
