My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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