My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
