On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
