Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize