I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize