i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
