also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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