I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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