you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
