It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
