you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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