What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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