'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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