she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
