how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
