you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
