THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Holy sore nipples Batman
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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