We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
