We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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