he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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