I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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