Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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