btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize