everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
