Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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