he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
