sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
