what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
