uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
