Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
