man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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