There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
