I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
