I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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