Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
