Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
