apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
