my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
