Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to calm my uterus...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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