I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
