Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize