I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
