If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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