haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
