You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
