do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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