awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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