he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
