Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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