There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
