we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
