Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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