i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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